The Start To Our Many Miracles

I have been thinking for a long time about my blog. I have so many stories and pictures that I didn't know how to even start all of this. How do I put my feelings and experiences on paper? ( or a blog :) From the day this all started, to now, we have so many things that need to be said. 

I figure I would just start at the beginning of how I remember it all...

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It was Wednesday June 4. Cam was just getting back from their morning meeting before knocking, and I was on the phone with my Dr office trying to get my appt switched from Thursday to that day because something just didn't feel right. I had been having some symptoms of things and of course, I googled. Which isn't good. I learned I should never google again. But I did, and all these things of pre-term labor came up. Back pain, tired, excess discharge etc.. But thats all apart of being pregnant with twins right? At least thats what I thought. 

My Dr. office was able to get me in that day, so I left for my appointment while Cam headed out to knock with our regional, Doug, who had just flown in the day before. After a quick exam and what I thought would be just a normal ultrasound, our whole world would soon be changing in minutes.

The ultrasound showed I was dilated to a 2 at 20 weeks from an infection. As they rushed me back into the exam room, the on call Dr said, " You will not be touching the ground until these babies come." 

WHAT?! My mind was spinning in a million directions. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I almost passed out. The ONLY appointment Cam has ever missed, and this is happening. This can't be happening. As the ambulance was on it's way, I called Cam and he and Doug were rushing to the Dr. office. We had no insurance out in Georgia, no family, nothing for the babies, I didn't have a hospital bag packed or anything. 

Everything I had hoped for, wanted, wished for, was completely thrown out the window. 

I was taken by ambulance to Doctors Hospital of Augusta. They rushed me through the ER, which we were just at a week before with my cousin Corey. They took me up to Labor & Delivery and took me into room 219. My eyes were so puffy, mascara everywhere, white shirt completely wet and stained with makeup, hands still shaking, I was given a priesthood blessing by Cam, Shawn, and Doug to help calm me down. 

The first of many IV's was put into my right arm. Monitors hooked up to my stomach and arms, and the start of Magnesium sulfate started to drip in my IV. The absolute worst medication anyone could ever be on I soon learned. They say it's like having the flu- times 1,000. Luckily, I never got any flu like symptoms, but it made my body SO relaxed that I couldn't do anything. I couldn't open my eyes, lift my hand, turn my head, swallow water, nothing. I felt helpless. You could see in Cam's eyes the fear of what he saw looking at me and how my body was. 

After 2.5 days of being on Magnesium and only eating jello, broth, and water, they finally lowered my dose, and eventually took me off completely. I was so scared our boys weren't getting any of the nutrients they needed. We started thinking of all the different options to get us back to Utah. Vivint's private jet, a motor home, ANYTHING! But day after day, the nurses and Dr.'s said there was absolutely no way we were going back before these babies were born.

I remember the morning of my third day in the hospital. I had not slept at all the night before. Every 2 hours nurses came in to do vitals, give medicine, and help me go to the bathroom. Along with coming in every 30 minutes when the alarm for my IV would go off from air in the line. It never ended. It was 6 AM and I turned over to look at Cam laying on the hard couch. I couldn't take it anymore. I was ready to rip the IV out, and all the cords and just run out of the hospital. How was I going to do weeks or even months of this? I started yelling Cam's name. Yelling. And more yelling. He would not wake up. I started shaking the handle on my hospital bed. Nothing. I remember not breathing because I was crying so hard, I just wanted my sweetheart laying next to me! I wanted Cam! 

I wanted to be that cute pregnant lady that is out to dinner on a Friday night and then go shopping for our babies after. I wanted to buy cribs, and the city select stroller I had my eye on for months. I wanted to have my baby shower in a month that was planned. I wanted to watch my belly grow with our 2 sweet boys that we longed and tried for, for 2.5 years. I wanted our boys healthy, and I wanted to be a family of 4. 

The days were long. Nights were short. My mom had got a ticket and was on her way to Augusta. I was so excited. I didn't know how entertaining I would be, laying in a hospital bed. But I was just excited to see my mom and have her help me. When she got there, a little piece of home came with her. She stayed with me for a week and in that week we caught up with life, and had some scares in the hospital. She painted my toes, read me ensign stories, got me snacks, rubbed my back and feet, and took naps with me. 

June 11 at 9 pm our world was flipped again. Cam was at home showering from a long work day, and I was leaning my bed up to ask my mom how Chili's sounded for dinner. All of the sudden I felt a huge gush. My water broke. A million emotions ran over me again. I cannot deliver these babies here. We had been trying to get transferred to another hospital that has a better nicu, and they wouldn't transfer me yet because I was not 23 weeks. As my mom was holding my feet, trying to calm me down. Cam rushed into the room. Both of us so unsure and scared for what could happen at anytime. I don't know how I got so lucky but his presence and words always calm me down. "Look at me, Look at me, your ok, we will be fine babe. Just look at me. If this is suppose to happen, it will. It's all part of his plan. He knows us better than we know ourselves." 

Now my water had broke at 22 weeks and it would take way too long to transfer the boys downtown- a 20 minute drive- to University hospital to the nicu before they could get help. They hooked up the heart monitors to watch the boys heart rates. They were perfect. After monitoring for hours, and no signs of dilating or contractions they gave me some ambien and I was out. 

Everyday after that was a waiting game. Nicu Dr's would come in our room and tell us the chances of our boys making it. I hated hearing it. I would ask our OB chances of them making it, and they all told us the same answer. Cam & I didn't believe it. Our babies were miracle babies. We succeeded with first time IVF, got twins, had the easiest- sick free- pregnancy, heart rates were always great, these were our miracles, they weren't going to stop now! Because of the pressure of Baby A on my cervix, his sac & membranes had ruptured, and my cervix closed. Another miracle. 

After being in the hospital for weeks, the littlest things made ALL the difference. Taking a 10 min quick shower was amazing, and getting to wheel around the labor & delivery floor two times. Going from a bed pan to a "bedside commode" was great. I always heard once you have a baby, you don't even care who sees you or who is in the room when you are doing anything and that is so true. I learned to go to the bathroom with 5 ppl in the room. Awkward but hey, whatever! I was only allowed to sit up to eat meals, I had to lay slanted with my legs way up so that gravity would keep the babies away from pushing on my cervix. 

I got use to having my IV moved to a different spot every 3 days. Cam & I learned to fall asleep with 5 different machines beeping all the time. We learned how to read the peaks slopes and curves on the contraction monitor. We got to know all the nurses on day and night shift at Doctors Hospital. They were all amazing. We heard that the nurses "fought" over us for their shift. Apparently we were liked:) 

We were at Doctor's Hospital for a week and 3 days. We demanded we be transferred to University Hospital, which was downtown Augusta and had the best nicu around. If we were having these babies here, that's where they were going to be born. Another ambulance ride as well. After being in a bed for so long, and on so many meds, the 20 minute ride laying down and moving was rough. 

My 'new' room was much older and smaller. We did have a fridge though! Another little thing that makes all the difference. Things started back again just like at the other hospital. More IV's, monitors hooked up, blood taken, heart rates on the babies, etc. And still a waiting game. I never wanted Cam to leave my side. I was so scared that he would be gone and I would go into labor and have them without him! My mom had flown home, and Cam's mom Toni, was on her way out. She also brought pieces from home too that made me feel so much better. Games, blankets and burp cloths to crochet for the babies, books, magazines, fingernail polish, and other things to kill our time in the hospital. 

As each day went on, I always had the thought in the back of my mind, "what if today is the day?" Was I ready to deliver, or have a C section to bring these babies here? We were never going to be ready. I mean really, I was the most unprepared mom ever. No diapers, clothes, car seats, stroller, cribs, nothing. Our plan was just for them to be in the nicu and then we would buy everything we needed. 

I had been in my smaller room on the Labor & Delivery floor at University Hospital for 3 days now. We had heard that on the 4th floor were huge rooms that were for women that were on permanent bed rest and were going to be staying at the hospital for a long time. Two other women had been moved up there before me, one having twins and the other having triplets. We were all around the same week with our pregnancies. We finally got moved up to the 4th floor, and it was so nice! A couple couches, table and chairs, & a fridge. Everyday the nurses said we all asked about each other. "How is the lady with triplets doing?" "She's on magnesium sulfate? Oh no, I feel so bad for her!" We all knew what was going on with each other. Even though we didn't know each other, we were all hoping for the best for all of us. Just make it to 24 weeks.. please. 

Countless prayers, fasting, texts, calls, flowers delivered, packages sent, dinners & treats brought, were endless. Our family and friends in Utah were amazing. We never felt alone. Our ward family we had met in just 2 months in Augusta had completely taken us in. Southern hospitality is more than real. Within a day of being in the hospital, the whole month of June was booked for bringing dinners 3 times a week. I was added to a group on Facebook called "Moms of Multiples in Augusta." 7 women from that group came and visited me one night, and brought me pizza from the best place in Augusta. They shared their thoughts and experiences of having multiples with me. It was amazing. These women whom I had never met - except one in my ward- and here they are, surrounding my bed, supporting me and loving me. I had people always texting me from the ward wanting to come and just visit, the sister missionaries visited also. The young men brought me the sacrament every Sunday. I always hated being the burden. The one that people had to do stuff for, or that everyone was worried about. I was a cute 24 year old soon to be momma, I didn't want the deacons to think I was some gross lady in a hospital bed that couldn't do anything and had some weird toilet thing by her bed. I debated about them coming to bring me the bread & water, but I was so glad they did. The spirit they brought into the room was something I looked forward to every week. 

My body had started to go back to normal. I was no longer dilated and the boys heart rates were great every single day. The daily ultrasounds made me so happy to see their cute profiles. Contractions were always up and down. "If you feel more than 6 an hour, that's bad. If you only feel a couple an hour, that's ok." I realized that I had been feeling contractions all along my pregnancy before I went into the Dr. that day on June 4. With my first time being pregnant and having twins, I had no clue what I was supposed to feel or not feel. I learned that I have an 'incompetent cervix' and will have to get a cerclage every pregnancy at 13 weeks - it was way too late to get it now. 

June 19 - It was just another day. Toni & I had been crocheting some cute chevron blankets for the boys. I was exhausted after a couple hours. I started having really bad cramps. I told the nurses that the magnesium sulfate medicine was the LAST thing I would take. I was not going back on that stuff again. I had started the steroid shots that day because I was finally 23 weeks, adding to all the bruises that were already all over my body. They decided to give me a shot of something that would calm down my cramps (really contractions) only for a couple hours. It made my heart race, and made me so shaky. Later that night, they gave me another dose to prevent them from happening through the night. 

I never really slept through the night. Something was just not right. I felt like something was going to happen, but I tried to push that thought away because I did not want to deliver at 23 weeks. I called the nurse in to have her help me use the bed pan. (horrible horrible thing. I appreciate a normal bathroom every single day). The discharge I had was something I had never seen before. The ultrasound tech was called in at 6 AM. As soon as she put it low to see where Baby A was, she rushed out to grab the Dr. I was dilated to a 4. Carter was WAY down there and he was breech. I couldn't stand the pain. Cam & I said a quick prayer together through the tears to please give us strength to get through whatever is about to happen. We called Toni who was staying at our apartment, 20 minutes away to please come now. 

June 20 was about to be the best day & hardest day we have ever lived.