I can't believe a year has come and gone since we have lost our sweet boys and i had even blogged! After my last post after the funeral, I felt like.. what now? What do I even write about, what pictures do I even care to share? It seemed like there was nothing left to write and life kinda stopped... But as I have looked back, learned, and grown over the past year I feel like life is renewed for us and we are back to share our story, emotions, and love.
When the funeral was done, and life had to start getting back to normal, there was never a second that I still didn't need Cam by my side. It's almost like you go throughout your day doing normal things to kinda keep your mind off of what you had just gone through and then it just hits you and you have a 'moment.' Whenever I needed him, he was there. What I would have done without him? No one knows. I definitely married the one I am head over heels for.
Cam started back at work, we moved into our own place since we had lived with my parents for a month in between getting back from Georgia and having the funeral and I had started working as an assistant at a company of a friend that we had worked with through Vivint. It seemed like life was slowly getting 'back to normal.'
The holidays came and went (which were the hardest things to live through after picturing your sweet boys at your families Thanksgiving dinner and opening presents Christmas morning). Courtney was & still is serving in Mexico city on an LDS mission. Graduations, birthdays, family events, weddings, anniversaries, were all being celebrated and you realize that life will never stop around you. We were slowly feeling that we weren't living in a bubble anymore. You know, that bubble of your standing still and life is just buzzing on around you while you want everyone to be in your 'bubble' and realize what you had lost, and what you were feeling. But after so long people forget, people move on, even though you will NEVER forget.
A few months after everything was said and done, we knew we wanted to start trying right away again for a family. After all, it had been over 3 years of wanting this and not being able to take our babies home made us want this even more!! As I had mentioned before, we did IVF to get our twins, and we had been lucky enough to keep some more embryo's frozen from the first procedure. I was hesitant to go straight to IVF again since I was hoping now that I had been pregnant, maybe we could get pregnant on our own. But, after meeting with our amazing fertility Dr, he said, "why wait!?" And we said, "Ya! Why wait?" What's some more shots and money for hormones! We decided to go for it and try it again. I was nervous because we could only put 1 embryo in, because my body couldn't handle twins again, but the chances of having 1 take were fewer than implanting 2.
After weeks of shots daily, some twice a day, and multiple blood draws and ultrasounds we got news that I could have only dreamed of.... again.
We were pregnant, with one healthy baby that was due 6 days before the twins due date.
(Updates for this will be in other posts:)
We truly felt like we were walking down a timeline where one thing after another was an answer to a prayer. And my cute Carter & Benson were watching us just saying, "wait and see what's next!"
Cam & I have never looked back and thought "Why us?" We know why. And it was never a negative thought or feeling. Ever. Those boys have blessed our lives in so many ways that we can't even count. I feel like I am such a better person because of my boys that held for 18 hours. No words were said. No parenting, or birthday parties thrown for them, just pure love and understanding. As we have 'moved on,' if we have to call it something, life has been so great. We have a great place to live, we love our church callings, we have had great jobs that have supported us, we have great family and friends surrounding us, and what can't make it all better by saying we have 2 perfect angels looking out for us everyday.
We can't wait to share more updates as our life is about to get more exciting in a few short months!
Thank you for following our story!
